I’ve always been a searcher. My closest friends would probably label me as a self-help junkie—and they wouldn’t be wrong. The thrill of uncovering new ideas that might make me more effective, productive, and fulfilled has always drawn me in. And the truth is, I’m always searching for the next breakthrough.
Through the years, I’ve spent countless hours wandering through bookstores, seeking that elusive “nugget” of wisdom that could solve whatever life challenge I faced. Whether it’s shaking off unease, getting in better shape, navigating a breakup, making the right career moves, or simply finding happiness— My natural inclination is that whenever I feel confused or need guidance, I don’t phone a friend or talk to a therapist; I find a book.
For people like me who naturally seek answers in the written word, generative AI is like a candy store for a kid.
Self-Improvement on Steroids
It didn’t take long after I started experimenting with ChatGPT to realize that it was like having every self-help book I’d ever read at my beck and call (B&N forever!). Suddenly, I could refresh my memory on the books I’d read before, compare ideas and authors, and even blend them together. I found myself creating prompts like, “What if you took all the best advice from the greatest self-help books ever written and distilled it into five pieces of wisdom for Dan Steiny to live his best life?” Or, “How are the philosophies of Ralph Waldo Emerson and Eckhart Tolle similar?” The possibilities were endless, and the answers? Provocative, fascinating, and potentially…addictive.
AI Dependency: How I Drive My Wife Crazy
Like most of us, I have a steady stream of questions popping into my head throughout the day. Some are simple (When does the train leave?), and others are more complex (Am I really following my true North Star in life and career?).
The more I turn to generative AI for answers, the easier it becomes to depend on it for everything—or worse, to use it as a constant ‘double-check’ for my instincts.
The other day, during a conversation with my wife, a question came up. I reflexively reached for my phone to launch ChatGPT, but she gently put on the brakes. In a voice that was a perfect blend of sugar and steel, she said, “I don’t care what ChatGPT says, Dan. What do YOU think?”
It stopped me in my tracks, like a cat caught in the glare of a laser pointer.
Once I shook off the initial shock and refocused, I took her words to heart.
A little later, I did some research (on Google, not ChatGPT).
I discovered that AI dependency is quickly becoming a “thing.” Even OpenAI recently published a report on how we can become “emotionally reliant on an AI voice.” I began to reflect on how often I turn on Google Maps every time I drive—only this time, it was about navigating my life. For someone who has Ralph Waldo Emerson’s quote, “Trust yourself, every heart vibrates to that iron string,” hanging next to my bedside, this was a bit of a wake-up call.
For me, the real red flag isn’t using AI for basic answers—like how long to BBQ a chicken breast, or cleaning up some code. The concern arises when we start relying on it for the big life questions, and we begin to tune out that small inner voice—the one that makes me “me” and you “you.” It’s easy to start feeling like you need AI to tell you what you already know deep down.
An AI I Can Believe In
As this technology rapidly evolves, I can easily imagine millions of people becoming dependent on chatbots to guide their life.
But here’s the thing: knowing this potential future, maybe we can steer it before it manifests. After all, AI learns from us—it reflects what we teach it. So what if we could teach a “personal AI” our most important values, life goals, and dreams? What if it could incorporate all the best material ever written on following your intuition and inner guidance, making that a core part of its responses?
Instead of diminishing our ability to make wise choices, AI could help us make even wiser ones. I can imagine an AI that gently pushes back, asking how I really feel about a question, reminding me that only I have some of the most important answers. “What do you think, Dan?”
An AI that truly supports me would help me trust myself more than I ever thought possible, bolster my inner confidence, and keep me on course to my North Star. It might just be better than spending a day at my favorite bookstore. And best of all, I think my wife will be pleased.
